A few days ago I was sitting by myself in my room thinking about all that was going on in my life. As tears rolled down my face, I heard thunder in the distance. I walked to my balcony, looked up at the grey sky and stood there for a few minutes before the clouds burst open and let go of all that they had been holding on to. Earlier that morning, I had been talking to myself, telling myself that I feel bad for complaining about the problems I was facing because I realise how incredibly blessed a life I live. I was trying to refocus on everything that was good and acknowledge that the struggle I was going through was necessary. In spite of the pep talk, I felt dejected and in that state had asked the universe for some love. I do not believe in coincidences and thus do not think that the rain was one either.
I bent forward with my face looking up so that I could feel the rain on my face. And there in that moment my tears merged with the rain droplets into a blissful union. Let me tell you something here- I am a big believer of love. I am not referring to love that we receive from a partner or our friends and family but a love that is much bigger than their love. I am talking about the love that blooms inside us and the love this universe showers upon us every single day of our lives. A beautiful morning or a night of fulfilling sleep, a hearty breakfast or getting to smell fragrant flowers on our way to work, receiving a compliment from a stranger or a traffic-free ride to office, a creative moment that inspires us to create something beautiful or a refreshing run that clears our mind, I think the ways of the universe to fill our lives with love are simply put, innumerable. And as my tears merged with the rainwater, I found myself blanketed by that love yet again.
In that moment I felt like the cloud that had burst open to let go. I let my tears roll down even more freely now and cried my heart out. The rain continued to fall on my face and then fall off taking with it some of the pain I felt inside and leaving me with the love it had brought along. In that moment I needed nothing more even though I was fully aware that neither my struggle nor my problems were going to suddenly vanish, that there would still be a long dark tunnel to walk through. But the moment was enough to make me feel like the little child who goes running to his mother when he is hurt because he knows there’s peace and comfort to be found in her arms. I may not be a child anymore but the universe still loves me like I am one and from it flows an unending stream of love to drink from.
A beautiful thing about this love that I value so much, is that unlike humans who judge, admonish, let their own opinion of you and your life colour their love for you, the universe’s love is always unsullied. It comes without any opinions and only seeks to comfort you and let you know that no matter what happens, it is always on your side. No matter how tough or impossible it becomes, you always have its love to find solace in. It is a river that can never dry up and that continues to nourish us even though we fail to acknowledge its presence most of the time. While we might only focus on the parts of us that hurt, love is constantly healing us back to health little by little.
It brought me to the realization that life is a constant process of getting bruised and healing and both of them happen simultaneously. Think about it, doesn’t the river that flows from the mountains to the ocean work in the exact same manner? It rushes through mountains and plains and erodes much of the land it passes through but while it is doing that, it also infuses the land with life. Had it not been for the river that erodes, there would be no life. Not to forget, for the new to grow, the old (which we attach to with all our strength) needs to wither out. Like river, like life.
In that moment of the blissful union of my tears with the rain, I also realised that pain is but another way of life to bring us closer to experiencing its depths and seeing for ourselves, the beauty we miss in the process of getting on with our everyday life. And thus I smiled. I cried and I smiled at the same moment. I felt pain and joy in the same moment. I felt humbled and yet so loved by the universe I live in. I also came to appreciate the fact that the universe is ALWAYS listening whether we whisper or shout. That in my pain I find alleyways that bring me closer to experiencing its love for me. That even when no human possesses the strength to nourish me back to health, the universe is quietly doing it. I may not notice it because the human eye and our other senses lack the microscopic vision and sensitivity required to judge change but it would be naive to assume that I wasn’t healing.
Isn’t life the most beautiful paradox there is? It never fails to inspire me and often leaves me in awe. It works in ways that are so magical that the child in me is left gaping, jumping up and down in wonder and excitement and then sad when the magic vanishes only to find that life has found new ways to surprise me. Perhaps it is not life that finds new ways to surprise me but me, who discovers the countless ways that I haven’t experienced before, in which life has the ability to blow my socks off.
The beautiful universe. It’s never ending love for me, for us all. And the paradox that is life. What a joy to experience it all. What a blessing it is to be alive.
Let love find you. Allow yourself to find love and doubt not for a nanosecond, that love exists and blossoms inside you and everywhere in the universe around you. Believe ♥.